“Stop it!”
It was a beautiful Saturday morning. I was sitting in my recliner chair sipping on some hot coffee and reading my bible. The plan for the day consisted of making chocolate chip pancakes with the kids, taking my oldest to his football game, washing my wife’s van, and later, a 4:00 o’clock birthday party.
Not terribly a busy Saturday—until you throw in some moody kids. Now you got yourself a stressful Saturday.
I can always tell what kind of day it’s going to be when my kids come down the stairs in the morning. Some days they wake up singing, “Rise and shine and give God the glory;” while other days they come down the stairs and their grumpy face says it all.
Well, this Saturday started out with a couple of grumpy faces.
Before long, two of my kids get into a little disagreement. My wife and I step in to resolve the situation. Moments later another altercation occurs. This time it’s with both moody children. (To avoid embarrassment, I will only refer them as “Moody 1” and “Moody 2.” Plus, I don’t have permission from “Moody 1” or “Moody 2” to use their names, and so, to prevent them from getting moody at me, I’ll stick with no names)
Moody 1: “Give that back to me. I was playing with it first.”
Moody 2: “Nah ah. I was.”
Moody 1: “No. It’s mine. Stop it.”
Moody 2: “NO! Let go of it. I was playing with it!”
Moody 1: “Stop it, I said. It’s not even yours anyway.”
This, of course, was all unfolding right before me. I shut my bible and got up from my recliner chair, and said, “Both of you stop it. That is not how we talk to each other. Now, please tell me what is going on?”
Moody 1: “I was playing with the toys first and (“Moody 2”) came over and took them from me.”
Moody 2: “That’s not true. I was the one who got them out.”
Me: “STOP IT!”
The disputing and grabbing of toys ceased.
Dead silence.
Both moody kids just stared up at me.
That was definitely the response I was looking for from my two moody kids, but not the right way to go about it.
Before I could get my two kids to work out the toy situation and address their moods, I needed to apologize for my own tone.
I knelt on the ground and said, “Listen. I’m sorry for raising my voice. Sometimes it’s hard getting you two to listen, but that’s no excuse for being impatient. Will you forgive me?”
Both kids acknowledged my apology.
“But,” I said, “that still leaves the two of you. Do you both realize that neither one of you are considering the needs of the other?”
Moody 1 & 2: “Yes, daddy.”
“Just because I’m your dad, doesn’t give me the right to mistreat you…right?” I asked.
“No. ” Moody 1 & 2 answered.
“And what did I do after I snapped at you both?”
Moody 1 gazed up at me with a reassured look, and said, “You said you were sorry.”
Hearing those words made me feel good, but at the same time, I felt convicted for letting my impatience get the best of me.
After explaining Philippians 2:3-4, the two moody children forgave each other and resolved the conflict between them.
Of course, I wish I could say that was the only intervention my wife and I would have with our four kids on Saturday. That was just round 1!
This is my take away, and something every dad needs to be aware of.
It has to do with tone.
I admit. I have a stern tone that (if not used properly) can (and will) intimidate my family. No doubt God has given dads the ability to use a firm voice to get people’s attention. However, that doesn’t mean a dad raises his voice in order to scare his family.
If I wasn’t sensitive to my impatience and stern tone with my kids that morning, could you imagine what the rest of the day would have been like?
I’ll tell you. It would’ve been a full day of screaming at my kids for screaming at each other. But that’s not how my wife and I raise our children. We seek to speak kindly to one another as we lead by example.
How about you?
Application
Be quick to ask your kids to forgive you when you do something wrong. It doesn’t matter what it is. Children need to see that their parents are humble enough to ask for forgiveness, as well as quick to forgive. Likewise, never yell at your kids. A dad who yells at his family is out of control and is inflicting massive wounds on his children. This will only lead to division and problems later in life. Therefore, I plead with dads to keep calm and seek to speak encouragement to your kids.
Questions
- Do you find yourself raising your voice at your kids a lot? If so, what are you doing to stop it?
- How often do you ask your kids to forgive you?
- Is there anger issues you are struggling with? If so, are you willing to get help?
Action Steps
- Take some time and read the scriptures below.
- Discuss your tone with your wife and ask her to hold you accountable. Also, make sure you get a pastor or close friend (another dad) to hold you accountable.
- Talk with your kids about any anger issues you might have and give them the right to call you out if you start yelling at them.
Scriptures: Proverbs 15:1; 29:11; 29:20; Ephesians 4:29; 1 John 4:11
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