Hello re|shift blog subscribers!
I’m excited to announce that re|shift ministries has a new website. All of my new blogs will now be posted within the new site. You don’t have to do anything. Everyone will be transferred over to the RSS feed.
Please check us out at http://www.reshiftministries.org
Until then,
Jason Jimenez
Right now. All over the world, hundreds of millions of people are logging onto Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Vine, and other social networks to connect, post, tweet, and chat.
This is the age of social networking. Where most interaction conducted by the next generation happens online, through FaceTime, or via text.
Sharing life instantly on social networking is the way of life. It has changed the way the world communicates.
It may be a fun and easy way to communicate, but it definitely poses a risk to people’s safety.
That being said, each family has to determine what they believe is the right course of action when it comes to social networking. Like any other medium, it can be our servant or our master. If it becomes our master, then obviously we want to stay away from it.
If you do decide to allow your child to join any form of social networking, here’s some guidelines I suggest you follow.
Guidelines to Social Networking
DISCLAIMER: Parents should never allow children total access to social networking without any kind of supervision. Even the most innocent of users is exposed to some level of risk. You can never be too sure of the dangers your child is exposed to.
Application
People love to express themselves. Especially, when it comes to young people. And all the latest social networking makes that really easy to do. Therefore, tread with caution. Be wise in how you deal with social networking in the home, and maintain the knowledge necessary to keep up with it all. Consider this, what you don’t know can hurt you!
Bible References: Job. 31:1; Ps. 101:3; Matt. 6:22; Lk. 11:33-36; 1 Cor. 6:18; 10:13; 1 Pet. 2:24
Books:
Who’s In Your Social Network?: Understanding the Risks Associated with Modern Media and Social Networking and How it Can Impact Your Character and Relationships (Pam Stenzel and Melissa Nesdahl)
Generation iY (Tim Elmore)
Download: Teaching Teenagers to Filter Their Media Choices (Walt Mueller)
Website: getsafeonline.org
DVD: Captivated: Finding Freedom in a Media-Captive Culture (Phillip Telfer)
There is nothing more heart wrenching than sitting across the table with a Christian couple that want a divorce. I remember meeting with a couple I knew very well and respected highly. So (to my surprise) when they started to share with me their marital problems, I was totally thrown off guard. I thought they wanted to meet to talk about how we can disciple more families in the Word of God—not discuss how to save their marriage!
As my initial shock wore off, I undoubtedly offered my full support and cooperation to see that they received all the care needed to help save their marriage. I remember after I prayed for the couple and we said our good-byes, I remained in my office for a moment afterwards thinking to myself, why do so many Christian couples struggle in their marriages?
Like that couple, maybe you’ve been there or know someone who has. The sad reality is marriages are falling apart for failing to keep God in their marriages. It seems like most marriages start out strong in the beginning, but in a matter of a few short years, that once glowing marriage begins to grow dimmer by the day.
Life is certainly busy and carries with it many challenges. All the scheduled appointments to get to, errands to run, and extra family activities can be overwhelming at times. And it can often put a strain on the marriage. Thus, despite whether your marriage is stronger than ever or is in need of some work, here are three essential truths that are applicable for any marriage.
The first essential for any good marriage is to make a covenant with God. It is God who brings the man and the woman together in His presence and unites them as one flesh (Gen. 2:24). This united covenant is not only an acknowledgement that God is to be desired and worshipped, but is also an active submission to one another (Eph. 5:21). When the marriage equation has God in it—that marriage will not be easily broken (Ecc. 4:12).
The second essential is a companionship shared between the husband and the wife. A simple piece discovered in healthy marriages is laughter. That’s right. A great indicator of a good marriage is one that is filled with laughter and joy. In Proverbs 17:22 it reads, “A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.” To achieve laughter and joy in marriage, the husband and wife must seek time together and work hard to be “good medicine” for each other.
The third essential to a good marriage is a commitment to remain faithful and pure. Without question every single marriage will have its ups and downs. But God has called each marriage to remain committed and will give them strength to overcome any trial or testing (1 Cor. 10:13). The bottom line is if any marriage is expected to last, the married couple must surrender everything and be willing to do anything to keep the trust and commitment strong.
In the end, marriages that last are ones that stick together. A good marriage doesn’t look to win the argument or get everything they want. A good marriage works together and seeks to use their marriage as a ministry to others (Phil. 2:4). Ecclesiastes 9:9 sums up marriage pretty well: “Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love, all the days of this meaningless life that God has given you under the sun— all your meaningless days.”
Remember, a good marriage makes a covenant before God, cultivates a strong companionship with each other, and stays committed to the very end.
Good Marriage Practices
Leading people isn’t always easy. For some men—though—leading people in the workplace comes naturally. However, when it comes to leading their family—they take a back seat.
Why is that?
What I found through the years is that men typically struggle with three primary forms of deficiencies at home (some worse than others): (1) apprehension to his wife’s moods and expectations, (2) insecurity about his lack of leadership skills, and (3) feeling guilty for placing the career over family.
As a dad, I found myself struggling (from time to time) with each of these. But there came a point in my life that I didn’t want to ignore these insecurities and let them takeover my life.
I began to pray more fervently over these areas in my life, and openly share them with my wife. In the midst of my spiritual awakening, God began to break my heart and give me a greater love for my wife and family. Rather than feel uneasy or removed from conflict, I began stepping in to seek a resolution. Rather than neglect making decisions, I gladly stepped into my God ordained role to shepherd my family. The dream of leading a successful ministry was no longer a concern of mine. I now cared more about leading a successful family life.
This isn’t easy. But with God’s help and with the support of your wife, any man can do it!
Pray for the Holy Spirit to convict you. Don’t let your pride continue to destroy your chances of becoming a better dad. Surrender to God and watch Him use you!
Application
To be a good dad, you must love your wife. The Bible says, “In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered” (1 Pet. 3:7, NLT). Your kids need to see that you treat your wife better than you treat yourself. They need to know that she is the love your life—and nothing will ever change that!
To be a good dad, you must lead your family. The Bible says, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord” (Eph. 6:4, NLT). Your kids need you to remain loving and patient with them. Not quick to punish or provoke them to anger. They need a father who will represent Christ and teach them the Word of God.
To be a good dad, you must put to death your selfish ambitions. The Bible says, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others” (Phil. 2:3-4, NIV). Your kids need to know your ministry at home is more important than your career in the world. They need to know they mean more to you than fame and fortune.
Questions
Action Steps
Everyone loves to be appreciated. Especially when it comes to children.
I’ve never heard a kid say to me, “I love when my dad puts me down.”
That doesn’t happen.
What I do hear from the mouth of kids is, “I want my dad to accept me.” “I want my dad to appreciate me for who I am.” “I want my dad to tell me that I did a good job.”
This kind of appreciation goes along way.
Take a moment and think back when you were a child. Did your dad appreciate you? Can you recall times when your dad told you he was proud of you?
Unfortunately, much of our churches are filled with adults who never received that kind of love and attention from their dads growing up.
I remember talking to a man in his late 40s. His life was a mess. His wife was threatening to leave, and his children had grown to dislike him. He displayed all the signs of defeat. He went on and on about how his father never appreciated anything he ever did. He shouted, “It’s hard to let go of the bitterness I have towards my dad. All I ever wanted was for him to be proud of me.” I responded by asking, “And what do you suppose your family is saying about you?”
This father was so bitter about his childhood, that he had become blind to the fact that he wasn’t appreciating his own family!
As a parent, we need to constantly be sensitive to how we talk and act towards our children. Most days are filled with appointments, meetings, repairs, lists, drop offs, pick-ups, and practices. But in the midst of the busyness, do your children hear: “I appreciate you.”
Just the other day my oldest son was helping me with something. After we finished, he looked up at me and asked, “Did I do a good job, dad?”
“Yes, son. You did. Thanks for helping me.” I said.
“I like knowing I’m a help to you,” Tyler said with a big grin on his face.
Hearing those words from my son’s mouth reinforces my efforts to always appreciate my kids—even when I find fault.
Dads—be blessed with the children God has given you. Take moments in the day to let them know how much you appreciate them.
“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” John 13:34-35
“Fun Dad”
Through the years I’ve come to realize that part of being a good dad is making sure I have fun with my kids. I never want my kids to look back on their childhood and think their dad was a bore. I want them to remember me as a dad who enjoyed life and absolutely loved having fun with them.
Just the other day my four year old told me, “Dad, I have so much fun playing with you.” Hearing those words instantly melted my heart. After thanking Jackson, I asked, “But why is it fun?”
He replied back, “Because I like being with you.”
I reached over to him and picked him up and squeezed him tightly. It wasn’t long before he had me in a choke hold—and then, in Jackson fashion, proceeded to use his boxing skills on me.
That time spent putting a puzzle together and wrestling with my son on the floor is a fun memory I now share with Jackson.
I’ve also come to realize that being a fun dad doesn’t require a lot of money. Many of the dads that I’ve counseled through the years think buying their kids whatever they want automatically makes them a fun dad. I remember a young man once told me, “I would exchange every expensive present my dad bought me just to spend time with him.”
The truth is, fun memories aren’t made up of materialism or limited to vacations to Disney World. (But don’t tell that to my two year old whose been telling me for the past two weeks that she wants to go to Disney World). It’s certainly great for families to plan special trips and explore the world. But most of what children remember is the small stuff. What children care most about is whether or not dad looked for ways to have fun with them. Did my dad play with me outside? Did my dad read books to me and tell crazy made-up stories? Did he spend time teaching me valuable lessons and look for ways to make me laugh?
These are lasting memories that will shape and define our children.
That reminds me of a dear friend of mine. My wife and I were standing around talking to him after our oldest son’s football game. His wife was gone most of the day, so my friend had all four of his kids. My wife offered to take one of his boys home with us. He replied, “No, no, no. This is my day with my kids. I plan to spend time with them.”
That’s it! Think of how easy it would’ve been for my friend to let us take his son home with us? But instead, my friend had his priorities straight. His mission that Saturday was to build lasting memories with his four children.
How about you?
Application
Here’s the point: Inspire to be a fun dad that your kids are passionate to want to be around.
Questions
Action Steps
Scriptures: Ecclesiastes 3:13; Proverbs 15:13
“Stop it!”
It was a beautiful Saturday morning. I was sitting in my recliner chair sipping on some hot coffee and reading my bible. The plan for the day consisted of making chocolate chip pancakes with the kids, taking my oldest to his football game, washing my wife’s van, and later, a 4:00 o’clock birthday party.
Not terribly a busy Saturday—until you throw in some moody kids. Now you got yourself a stressful Saturday.
I can always tell what kind of day it’s going to be when my kids come down the stairs in the morning. Some days they wake up singing, “Rise and shine and give God the glory;” while other days they come down the stairs and their grumpy face says it all.
Well, this Saturday started out with a couple of grumpy faces.
Before long, two of my kids get into a little disagreement. My wife and I step in to resolve the situation. Moments later another altercation occurs. This time it’s with both moody children. (To avoid embarrassment, I will only refer them as “Moody 1” and “Moody 2.” Plus, I don’t have permission from “Moody 1” or “Moody 2” to use their names, and so, to prevent them from getting moody at me, I’ll stick with no names)
Moody 1: “Give that back to me. I was playing with it first.”
Moody 2: “Nah ah. I was.”
Moody 1: “No. It’s mine. Stop it.”
Moody 2: “NO! Let go of it. I was playing with it!”
Moody 1: “Stop it, I said. It’s not even yours anyway.”
This, of course, was all unfolding right before me. I shut my bible and got up from my recliner chair, and said, “Both of you stop it. That is not how we talk to each other. Now, please tell me what is going on?”
Moody 1: “I was playing with the toys first and (“Moody 2”) came over and took them from me.”
Moody 2: “That’s not true. I was the one who got them out.”
Me: “STOP IT!”
The disputing and grabbing of toys ceased.
Dead silence.
Both moody kids just stared up at me.
That was definitely the response I was looking for from my two moody kids, but not the right way to go about it.
Before I could get my two kids to work out the toy situation and address their moods, I needed to apologize for my own tone.
I knelt on the ground and said, “Listen. I’m sorry for raising my voice. Sometimes it’s hard getting you two to listen, but that’s no excuse for being impatient. Will you forgive me?”
Both kids acknowledged my apology.
“But,” I said, “that still leaves the two of you. Do you both realize that neither one of you are considering the needs of the other?”
Moody 1 & 2: “Yes, daddy.”
“Just because I’m your dad, doesn’t give me the right to mistreat you…right?” I asked.
“No. ” Moody 1 & 2 answered.
“And what did I do after I snapped at you both?”
Moody 1 gazed up at me with a reassured look, and said, “You said you were sorry.”
Hearing those words made me feel good, but at the same time, I felt convicted for letting my impatience get the best of me.
After explaining Philippians 2:3-4, the two moody children forgave each other and resolved the conflict between them.
Of course, I wish I could say that was the only intervention my wife and I would have with our four kids on Saturday. That was just round 1!
This is my take away, and something every dad needs to be aware of.
It has to do with tone.
I admit. I have a stern tone that (if not used properly) can (and will) intimidate my family. No doubt God has given dads the ability to use a firm voice to get people’s attention. However, that doesn’t mean a dad raises his voice in order to scare his family.
If I wasn’t sensitive to my impatience and stern tone with my kids that morning, could you imagine what the rest of the day would have been like?
I’ll tell you. It would’ve been a full day of screaming at my kids for screaming at each other. But that’s not how my wife and I raise our children. We seek to speak kindly to one another as we lead by example.
How about you?
Application
Be quick to ask your kids to forgive you when you do something wrong. It doesn’t matter what it is. Children need to see that their parents are humble enough to ask for forgiveness, as well as quick to forgive. Likewise, never yell at your kids. A dad who yells at his family is out of control and is inflicting massive wounds on his children. This will only lead to division and problems later in life. Therefore, I plead with dads to keep calm and seek to speak encouragement to your kids.
Questions
Action Steps
Scriptures: Proverbs 15:1; 29:11; 29:20; Ephesians 4:29; 1 John 4:11
“Lost Cards”
I just completed my workout after a long day of ministry planning, writing, and counseling. The workout took some of the edge off, but I still felt overwhelmed and needed to get home to finish up some writing in my book.
However, my oldest son had asked if we could play some hoops after my workout. I hesitated for a moment. Do I tell him next time or stick with the plan? I decided to stick with the plan and rushed over to get Tyler and Amy out of childcare.
For the first time ever, my son was showing a great interest in basketball. He kept asking me to show him dribbling moves and how to shoot a basketball. This was pretty cool because basketball was my life growing up, and I’ve tried to teach Tyler, but he’s been more interested in playing football.
Dinner was soon, so I told Tyler and Amy we needed to wrap up and head home. Amy came running up to me and handed me my phone. My wife had texted asking us to pick up a few items at the grocery store.
The window for writing was closing fast.
We rushed out of the gym, jumped in the car and proceeded to head across the street to the grocery store. It was rush hour traffic. As I edged forward praying for a break in traffic, I hear Amy from the back seat, “Daddy, I don’t know what I did with our gym cards.”
“What?” I said.
“I can’t find our gyms cards. I think I gave them to you,” said Amy in a worried voice.
I responded, “You never gave them to me.” I then turned to Tyler, “Do you have the cards?”
“No.” Tyler replied.
Finally. There was a break in traffic. But instead of crossing the street into the grocery store parking lot, I had to turn around and head back to the gym to search for the cards.
By this time, my heart rate had gone up quite a bit. But I knew I needed to keep my cool and not say or do anything that would cause my daughter to feel bad.
When we pulled into the gym parking lot, I turned around and told her, “It’s okay, sweetie. Don’t worry about it. We’ll find the cards.”
After 20 minutes of searching the parking lot, entrance way, hallways, and gym…we found the cards.The odds of getting home in time to complete some writing assignments were no longer in my favor. But, you know what? I didn’t care. I care more about my kids than lost cards or writing a book.
As we got back into the car, I wanted my kids to know that I care for them so much. I didn’t want to make it a big issue over “lost cards,” but wanted to stress to my kids the importance that, I (their dad), will always be here to help them.
Application
The lesson wasn’t really about my kids keeping their cards in their pockets. The real lesson (as a dad) was putting the needs of my kids above my own (Phil. 2:3), and showing them that they have a dad who will help them through anything. That is precisely what our Heavenly Father does for us. Psalm 46:1 reminds, “God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.”
Another great lesson for me, but great example to my kids!
Questions
Action Steps
Scriptures: Psalm 46; Rom. 12:18; Phil. 2:3
One morning, as I knelt in prayer before God, my heart was suddenly gripped with intense conviction.
The conviction I was experiencing didn’t have to do with a lack of faith or something like that. It had to do with my impatience and shortness with my children.
Normally, I am a patient person, but for some reason, I’d developed a moody tone with my children. As I pressed God further to reveal this sin in my life, He began opening my eyes to the hidden selfishness in my own heart, and showed me how my sin was damaging my relationships with my children.
The thought of my children feeling like their dad is frustrated with them brought me to tears. I never want my children to feel I don’t have time for them or that they’re a bother. I want my children to know I love and cherish each of them.
I knew right then that if I was to become a better dad, I needed to humble myself before God and repent of my sin. And so I did. I asked the Lord to forgive me of my impatient heart and selfish ways and make me a better dad to my children.
I write this because I know there are countless dads who feel as I’ve felt. That’s why I want to share my journey to becoming a better dad. I believe this is not only important for me and my family, but for the thousands of dads who carry with them heavy regrets for damaging their families.
My goal is to blog about my personal failures and triumphs as a dad, and (Lord willing) share with you the valuable lessons God has taught me along the way. I pray you will join me on this 20 day journey, and hope it will help inspire many more dads become spiritual heroes in their homes.
My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. James 1:19-20
It’s a shame that the Boys Scouts of America (BSA) has compromised their core values and succumbed to the pressures of a destructive ideology!
I, for one, have stood by the BSA in the past. I’ve helped champion parents, kids, and leaders to grow and support the organization. However, after the BSA approved the expression and promotion of the “homosexual lifestyle” among young scouts, it was time to support an alternative…and I plead with you to do the same!
I write this blog because it is our duty not to allow false teachings capture the minds and hearts of our children (Col. 2:6-8). My plea is not merely a suggestion, but one brought about with great objective moral concern.
Here are my reasons why Christians should support a new scouting alternative proposed by OnMyHonor.net.
First, the simple truth is the BSA has lost its way. The moment they allowed homosexuality to be a part of its organization, its moral and ethical foundation was immediately lost. Here’s why.
The Bible condemns the practice of homosexuality (Lev. 18:22; Rom. 1:26-28; 1 Cor. 6:9-10). Therefore, by accepting and endorsing an immoral lifestyle, is itself, immoral. (For more info about this, please read chapter 9 & 10 in my book “The Raging War of Ideas”).
Second, this new policy of the BSA forces every Scout unit, irrespective of their religious beliefs, to adopt and implement this mandate. This is a direct violation of the First Amendment! The BSA says they are being accepting and tolerant, yet they enforce their homosexual acceptance on those who don’t accept it on religious grounds? How’s that for tolerance?! This is no longer about accepting an alternative lifestyle in the BSA, but discriminating a person’s civil rights!
Third, the BSA has allowed the Gay Agenda to completely reissue a whole new value system. On the BSA website it reads,
The Boy Scouts of America is one of the nation’s largest and most prominent values-based youth development organizations. The BSA provides a program for young people that builds character, trains them in the responsibilities of participating citizenship, and develops personal fitness.
For over a century, the BSA has helped build the future leaders of this country by combining educational activities and lifelong values with fun. The Boy Scouts of America believes — and, through over a century of experience, knows — that helping youth is a key to building a more conscientious, responsible, and productive society.
However, the new focus through BSA is to indoctrinate all scouts to tolerate and accept the homosexual lifestyle as normal and productive. The BSA will advance the Gay Agenda through their various “programs” that build “character” and “trains” young people to be “responsible citizens” who will not discriminate homosexuals, but rather, endorse and promote it’s destructive lifestyle.
The moment the homosexual lifestyle is embraced, anything opposed to it is deemed intolerant. That means Christians who remain in the BSA program and express disagreement will be ostracized. This will only lead to persecution and violence. And it won’t be the openly gay scouts who will be in danger of such violence, but those children and parents who oppose them.
Fourth, the BSA should not be in the business of allowing an ideological movement (such as the Gay Agenda) to redefine one’s orientation. The fact that the BSA has incorporated a person’s sexual orientation as a testament to their identity is contrary to the organization’s respected principles. For years the BSA was in the business of building character. Now it’s in the business of endorsing someone’s sexual orientation. This is a compromising organization, not a promising one.
Fifth, the Southern Baptist Convention (SBC) is leading the way in opposing this policy change in BSA. Though I am not affiliated with the SBC, I strongly commend the SBC for taking a strong stand in rejecting the compromise of BSA and encouraging their members to turn to an alternative. It is quite clear in the The Southern Baptist Convention’s statement of faith: “Christians should oppose … all forms of sexual immorality, including adultery, homosexuality, and pornography.” This isn’t just a statement of belief held by the SBC, but a belief strongly anchored in the Bible.
Sixth, and finally, this will only open the door to more sexual harassment and molestation in the BSA. In my career as a family pastor, I have seen far too many incidences where open acceptance of “sexual orientation” has led to an increase of sexual assaults. This is becoming a growing problem that our society seems to accept, not prevent. If you don’t believe me, read this article on the increase of sodomy hazing acts among teen boys.
Take Action
1. Drop the BSA.
2. Join an alternative organization that supports and advances biblical truth.
3. Continue to pray for homosexuals to repent of their sin and come to Christ.
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