My Journey to Becoming a Better Dad – Day 6

Leading people isn’t always easy. For some men—though—leading people in the workplace comes naturally. However, when it comes to leading their family—they take a back seat.

Why is that?

What I found through the years is that men typically struggle with three primary forms of deficiencies at home (some worse than others): (1) apprehension to his wife’s moods and expectations, (2) insecurity about his lack of leadership skills, and (3) feeling guilty for placing the career over family.

As a dad, I found myself struggling (from time to time) with each of these. But there came a point in my life that I didn’t want to ignore these insecurities and let them takeover my life.

I began to pray more fervently over these areas in my life, and openly share them with my wife. In the midst of my spiritual awakening, God began to break my heart and give me a greater love for my wife and family. Rather than feel uneasy or removed from conflict, I began stepping in to seek a resolution. Rather than neglect making decisions, I gladly stepped into my God ordained role to shepherd my family. The dream of leading a successful ministry was no longer a concern of mine. I now cared more about leading a successful family life.

This isn’t easy. But with God’s help and with the support of your wife, any man can do it!

Pray for the Holy Spirit to convict you. Don’t let your pride continue to destroy your chances of becoming a better dad. Surrender to God and watch Him use you!

Application 

To be a good dad, you must love your wife. The Bible says, “In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered” (1 Pet. 3:7, NLT). Your kids need to see that you treat your wife better than you treat yourself. They need to know that she is the love your life—and nothing will ever change that!

To be a good dad, you must lead your family. The Bible says, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord” (Eph. 6:4, NLT). Your kids need you to remain loving and patient with them. Not quick to punish or provoke them to anger. They need a father who will represent Christ and teach them the Word of God.

To be a good dad, you must put to death your selfish ambitions. The Bible says, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others” (Phil. 2:3-4, NIV). Your kids need to know your ministry at home is more important than your career in the world. They need to know they mean more to you than fame and fortune.

Questions

1. If you were to ask your kids what they thought of your marriage, what would they say?
2. If you were to ask your kids what they thought of your leadership, what would they say?
3. If you were to ask your kids what they thought was the most important thing to you, what would they say?

 Action Steps

1. Model a marriage of love and respect to your kids.
2. Look for ways to incorporate biblical lessons into daily activities.
3. Evaluate your career and make any necessary cuts to preserve your family.

My Journey to Becoming a Better Dad – Day 5

Everyone loves to be appreciated. Especially when it comes to children.

I’ve never heard a kid say to me, “I love when my dad puts me down.”

That doesn’t happen.

What I do hear from the mouth of kids is, “I want my dad to accept me.” “I want my dad to appreciate me for who I am.” “I want my dad to tell me that I did a good job.”

This kind of appreciation goes along way.

Take a moment and think back when you were a child. Did your dad appreciate you? Can you recall times when your dad told you he was proud of you?

Unfortunately, much of our churches are filled with adults who never received that kind of love and attention from their dads growing up.

I remember talking to a man in his late 40s. His life was a mess. His wife was threatening to leave, and his children had grown to dislike him. He displayed all the signs of defeat. He went on and on about how his father never appreciated anything he ever did. He shouted, “It’s hard to let go of the bitterness I have towards my dad. All I ever wanted was for him to be proud of me.” I responded by asking, “And what do you suppose your family is saying about you?”

This father was so bitter about his childhood, that he had become blind to the fact that he wasn’t appreciating his own family!

As a parent, we need to constantly be sensitive to how we talk and act towards our children. Most days are filled with appointments, meetings, repairs, lists, drop offs, pick-ups, and practices. But in the midst of the busyness, do your children hear: “I appreciate you.”

Just the other day my oldest son was helping me with something. After we finished, he looked up at me and asked, “Did I do a good job, dad?”

“Yes, son. You did. Thanks for helping me.” I said.

“I like knowing I’m a help to you,” Tyler said with a big grin on his face.

Hearing those words from my son’s mouth reinforces my efforts to always appreciate my kids—even when I find fault.

Dads—be blessed with the children God has given you. Take moments in the day to let them know how much you appreciate them.

“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.  By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” John 13:34-35

My Journey to Becoming a Better Dad – Day 1

One morning, as I knelt in prayer before God, my heart was suddenly gripped with intense conviction.

The conviction I was experiencing didn’t have to do with a lack of faith or something like that. It had to do with my impatience and shortness with my children.

Normally, I am a patient person, but for some reason, I’d developed a moody tone with my children. As I pressed God further to reveal this sin in my life, He began opening my eyes to the hidden selfishness in my own heart, and showed me how my sin was damaging my relationships with my children.

The thought of my children feeling like their dad is frustrated with them brought me to tears. I never want my children to feel I don’t have time for them or that they’re a bother. I want my children to know I love and cherish each of them.

I knew right then that if I was to become a better dad, I needed to humble myself before God and repent of my sin. And so I did. I asked the Lord to forgive me of my impatient heart and selfish ways and make me a better dad to my children.

I write this because I know there are countless dads who feel as I’ve felt. That’s why I want to share my journey to becoming a better dad. I believe this is not only important for me and my family, but for the thousands of dads who carry with them heavy regrets for damaging their families.

My goal is to blog about my personal failures and triumphs as a dad, and (Lord willing) share with you the valuable lessons God has taught me along the way. I pray you will join me on this 20 day journey, and hope it will help inspire many more dads become spiritual heroes in their homes.

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. James 1:19-20